Monday, August 16, 2010

Real & Realities

Perfection is something without flaws. Beauty is an image far greater than the rest. Kindness is a gesture that does good. Love is something that makes a person do extraordinary things, both expected and out of the norm.

She is nothing like those mentioned above, she is just a mere human being. Sleeps, eats, walks and talks like the rest of us living in this world. She is anything but perfect, makes mistakes like everyone does, trips over her steps like all of us. She is beautiful, in her own way. she laughs loudly as her heart’s desire, she sneer like a crooked mad man, she sometimes act like a man, She is, like others, have both side of kindness, she doesn’t like EVERYONE, she hates like most of us do, and she has enemies of her own. Love is not something she gives away lightly.. she has her favourites, and favours over at the best of times.

But in His eyes, she has no flaws, in his eyes.. she is something far greater than life, kind in her own ways, and the most loving person he has ever experienced.

But we all know that what he feels are just something that he made up in his own mind.. She is just a normal person, he just don’t want it to be that way.. so when he sees her flaws, he cowars, when he noticed her ugly side he reeks, when he saw her unkindness he shivers… and the love that he onced taste turned bile.. he made up all these lies in his head saying she’s nothing like it.

So he tries to change the true image of her into what he envisioned.. lures her to do things he wants her to. And when all fails, he bailed on her.. leaving her alone in the darkness, without guidance.. There she was, alone, scared, saddened, in solitude.. trying so hard to find solace..

Only alone did He feels that he was truly lost. Starting to doubt every single steps that he had took.. looking around, beginning to realize that everyone and everything around him is a lie, a lie that he had created inside of himself.. so he decided to trace back every steps that he had took, back to where he had left her, back to Her..

When he reached that last place he had left her, she was gone.. sitting there in that empty space, dark and cold. She was so far to be found at the time.. and he was dumbfounded. Not knowing what is right or wrong..

He had lost her forever. But when he looked down on the floor. He saw himself. so clean and calm.. so serene, full of joy and inspiration. He saw himself, in her vision.. She had left what she knew about him.

And that was the end of an eternity.

p/s: if you want to see that person as he/she, who you used to know, change your perspective. And they might change.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010


Perubahan... sesuatu yang diinginkan/ditakuti. Perubahan dalam sistem, perubahan dalam hidup.. perubahan dalam seseorang. Adakalanya perubahan itu wajib, namun selalunya perubahan hanya membawa hampa, kemarahan, persengketaan..

Namun begitu, perubahan adalah perkara yang tidak akan dapat dielakkan kerana ianya berlaku pada setiap masa yang berlalu pergi. Hmm.. perubahan yang dihargai itu hanyalah bila terlahirnya perasaan kesal.. lucu. Mengapa setiap manusia itu akan hanya berubah apabila segalanya sudahpun terlambat. apabila kata-kata yang terlunjur tidak dapat ditarik balik, apabila kelakuan yang terkasar silapnya tidak dapat dimaafkan lagi.. apabila seseorang yang seharusnya BERUBAH hanya sedar selepas sampai hadnya.

Perubahan. Sesuatu yang tidak boleh dipaksa. mengubah sesuatu/seseorang bukan atas kerelaanya hanya akan mengubah cara/perasaan yang lain. Ianya bukan benda yang boleh ditegur mahupun yang boleh diarah.. namun bila dibiarkan sahaja nescaya tiada perubahan yang akan berlaku..

"Aku telah berubah, kerana aku mahu berubah.. Kau juga sudah berubah.. namun dalam PERUBAHAN itu, kau masih yang sama"

Hati-hati dengan apa yang diidamkan. Kerana apa yang diingini kadang-kalanya bukan apa yang akan diterima. PERUBAHAN, untuk kebaikan atau sebaliknya?. Sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian terima sahaja akibatnya.

Friday, June 11, 2010

:: Joie de Vivre ::

It's been awhile since i updated my life.. well, here goes.

I'v been posting alot about my love life these past few months.. about my emotions (heh), well we're just being humans right?. it also shows that my better half plays quite a big role in my life story.. We share a fair deal of the relationship ups and downs, hmm.. ups and downs, the beauty of being in LOVE. it's not just about cupids and heart shape box full of chocolates and roses and what not. It's also about the occasional fights and quarrels and misunderstandings.. and about giving and taking, suggestions and comments (critics actually *geh)..

But all these are the fundamentals of a relationship. No one likes to argue/fight but it's not all that bad actually, it's an unconventional way of discovering and better understanding your partner.. Because life is not just about the happy moments, the i love yous, the happily ever after.. it's about knowing how to act, rather than to react on a different mood like for instance how to handle your woman when she's in her "down time", how to cool her down when she's all fired up.. and how to love her unconditionally. To be in love, is to put him/her before yourself. It's about willing to sacrifice, and most importantly it's about acceptance.. What you want or dream of having might not be the thing that you'll get, even when you strive for it (sometimes).. it's like that saying "what you see is what you'll get".

Well, sometimes it's hard to accept something that you don't quite like.. but if you're willing to comprehend.. it shows that you are truly in love.. I argue and quarrel and most of the time find it hard to communicate with my beloved. But that doesn't stop me from loving her more. Just look at this blog.. She inspires me to write about stuff.. She has given me reason to do better each day, to BE better each day.. she makes me smile, she makes me laugh, she could make me cry and she can REALLY make me mad.. and I love her for what she has done.

We're getting engaged this Sunday (13/06/10). I know the arguments won't stop even after all this.. but i know that i'd only appreciate her even more. To some of you, this post might be of gibberish or GAY even.. I'm just trying to appreciate her in a different angle/level/what ever you wanna label it. Everything could go wrong, but it's the risk i'm willing to take. because She's worth fighting for.

i'm about to begin a new phase in life.. and i'm having no doubts about everything that is decided.

I'm excited.

and i know, she is too.


Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Berlayar Bersama Hati Yang Lara~

i really really want to write something meaningful.. but somehow i'v lost that inspiration. I'm alone, not really alone.. but i feel that i'm alone. ever since i was a child, maybe until the day i die.. who knows, who really knows.. things that you think might not happen to you, WOULD eventually.. you can never be too careful. you might never be so brave. I'm alone, not really alone.. but i feel so alone.

my heart longs for someone that understands.. yet this complication in me welcomes none of interest.

I'm alone, not really alone.. but i feel so alone..

I'm left out. they'v tuned-out.

I'm alone, maybe i am.. actually...

alone. :'(

Monday, March 08, 2010

What Ever It TAKES!

try and touch my belongings.. i'll crush your head flat to the ground. Don't even try and break me 'cos i bring you HELL!.. I've played fair, and fair is how i expect to be treated.. If any of these lowlifes even try to destroy my happiness.. then i'll choke 'em to death with my bear hands, or even with the soles of my feet.

You fuckers you had your chance.. now i expect you to back off peacefully. I only offer you sincerity once, but try and take advantage of my kindness then I'll effin' rip your mouth open. So wide that i'd break your jaw off and feed it to the dogs!

Kalau mereka ingin bermain kasar. Kekasaranlah apa yang mereka akan terima. Test a man's pride one too many time, the beast that you unleashed will not be tamed with words. Muka kau!.. layak berada di tapak kaki aku sj. sebab kau dan kau dan kau berperangai seperti anjing!

don't take me for fun.. I see, i feel and i'll apply. jangan buat main. please.

Saturday, March 06, 2010

A note from you. :)


Hug me for my worries to die,
my tears to dry... and
my loneliness to fly~

lots of love,
awak :)

Monday, February 08, 2010

My Mata Hari.

I want to run away to Bali and live by the sea,
where the sun sets in the horizon, as she sets by me.
to feel her warm embrace, tomorrow she shines free..
she cares for me and let me be
whenever I'm alone.. she will surely be by me.

I want to live in Phuket.. and watch my sun set.
say our goodbyes, until tomorrow we met.
to leave my frowns in the ocean it will drown.
my sun tells me "love, live each day with no regrets"

my feelings grow weary, my Mata Hari she's angry,
for i sometimes neglect her, when i feel tired and thirsty.
i care for her, and comfort her dearly,
yet she sear my skin she burns me deeply.

"stop this love, you're hurting me truly",
I am only human.. i make mistakes unintentionally
i admit my wrong doings.. eventho those wrongs are silly
but you are my Mata Hari.. my one my only.

My Mata Hari she loves me sincerely this i know,
but my feelings she hurts, what she reaps she might never sew.
I need her warmth and i can't live without her glow,
so wherever my Mata Hari sets.. then there is where i must go.